“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-10
The last post I had mentioned my vision was to go back to Australia to do the Biblical Counseling course with YWAM and then do outreach in Asia. But as the months wore on while being back in Canada.. God had other plans for me. I am still here in Vancouver and fully adjusting to the mission I now have before me.
“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9
I realized that I needed much refreshment and God had me come back for a reason. Vancouver was becoming more of a mission for me and the Spiritual state of the city was changing.. People are yearning for God’s love. It might not be physically rescuing girls from the brothels, but it sure is in need of as much Spiritual awakening and the power of God to change people’s lives. They need to know God as their everything instead of the love of money, self, fame and fortune but most don’t know it yet as they continue to strive for something to live for that is bigger than themselves.
As much as I say what I want for my future, God knows me better than I know myself. I felt like I was running straight from one project to the next without much of a thought of the next thing the Lord had for me. I knew what I needed but couldn’t help but reach for the things God told me to wait and trust Him in. Imagine how Christians make the mistake of serving God their god? Religion makes you strive for something unattainable that can start with good intentions but from a sense of obligation that leads to entitlement of recognition. Relationship means you live in the light of grace and know that you are good enough to sit at the feet of Jesus and understand his heart is for you without juggling a thousand tasks for his approval. I needed to know I could rest in His love without striving to please him. His grace is sufficient to cover all the lack that I feel I have to make up for in ministry. It seems to be a resounding theme in my walk with Him. God had changed lives during my time in the Philippines and I am so honored to have been a part of it.. Now I must take this experience and apply it to what He wants to do right now.
I find myself struggling between being a “Mary” and a “Martha” and I know I am not the only person who feels the exact same way. At the Home of Martha and Mary
Luke 10:37-42 – ‘As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”’
Being a returning missionary, I know how it feels like to have the ministry become your identity instead of focusing on the one who gaveyou identity in the first place. Our life should not reflect a good cause, but Christ Himself and what He did for us. And that is the reason for doing good.. First and foremost we are to be beacons of light reflecting the glory of God not upon glorious works we did on earth determined by lost souls we saved. In the end, God knows the hearts of all man and will be the one to judge our minds and actions. First we are to focus on our relationship with Him and ask for guidance in all things. Trust means to not ask God to bless our plans but to be released in the plans He has for us. Are we willing to let go of all control?
In September, I rented a place with a friend from church and got a job close by about the same time. In a nutshell, I struggled with the working environment but I asked God to use me during my time there and He did. I ended up becoming good friends with a fellow coworker whom I brought to my church and then there was another coworker whom I worked with just once and she now goes to our church’s life group and gathering events. After a couple of months, I had switched jobs and started working as a banquet server at a university campus in downtown. I became jealous of the students who had a career goal to work towards and I began questioning how I would live mine. Life was not going the way I expected it and work was becoming increasingly harder to look forward to.
One day at work, I felt the Lord was about to speak to me in my desperation. After my experiences of journeying with the Lord, I could no longer live as a person who wants to just “get by” in life. I needed fulfillment for the cause of Christ.
I was walking by and an ad on one of the tv screens on campus flashed the words: “Make your Love Languages into a Career!” At least that’s what I had initially read. I was so taken aback that I did a double take. The words were: “Make your Love of Languages into a Career.” But that was enough to get my mind thinking about my love languages. I am referring to the book by Gary Chapman called, “The Five Love Languages”. There is a quiz that you can take online to see if you express your love to others in the form of: Gift Giving, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Quality Time or Physical Touch. My top 2 were: Quality Time and Words of Affirmation.
I’ve always had a heart to minister to women and counseling had been an interest of mine. I felt God speaking to me about pursuing an interest in working with people with those love languages He was now speaking to me about. I began searching for post secondary schooling and asked for advice from a therapist that I met. He specialized in helping returning missionaries debrief and process their experiences during their re-entry. He suggested doing a Social Work Degree and the light went on for me right there.
So a couple of weeks ago I applied for admittance to Langara College and got accepted the next day when I handed in my transcript, since this was so last minute. It was a wide door of opportunity designed by God! I didn’t even need to take an English test to be accepted into the program I wanted because I took the test way back in 2006 and got the score I needed! I believe it helped that after I graduated high school I got accepted into Langara but I did not see a passion for going into academics when my only focus was a career in acting. Now I have a goal to work towards and the life experience to back up what career I long to have in the future.
In the end of my desperation for purpose, I realized that I only did acting as a way to express myself and although I was good at it, it was not God’s intention for me to pursue it as a career. It’s the same idea for those who enjoy juggling numbers, but can’t stand the thought of being an accountant behind a desk. I loved acting, but I did not feel passionate about having it as a career I did with helping people.
I will be doing a Social Service Worker program starting my semester in January. So all in a day, I got accepted on November 20th, figured out what courses I wanted to take and applied for my student loan. A couple of days ago, I registered for my courses and got all except one (which is still on the wait list) that I wanted to take. Yesterday I received confirmation for my student loan approval! I got a Canadian student loan, a BC student loan, PLUS a student grant! Praise God.. You know you’re in line with the plans of the Lord when favor is granted and the lack of time and resources are not an issue. The Father always provides!
So if you ever ask me what my plans are for the future.. I will always check in with the Author of Life. He is writing out our lives as we speak and it is not our job to rewrite the script. Let’s trust that He knows what is best and that it’s going to be a great book to read!